Tuesday, August 30, 2011

Some days are for living. Others are for getting through...

So much for waking up thinking it just may be a decent day. I've learned recently not to get my "hopes" too high...
My boy woke up with major cranky undies on, nothing I said or did was gonna make him happy. I managed to rush through getting him ready for school without injury... As I walked out the door I thought to myself "Damn, I feel like I have already worked a stressful 8 hours!" No one can really imagine how upside down our lives have become - unless of course you have experienced it first hand. We have zero help - no one willing to step up and say "hey you guys need a break, let me stay with lil man while you go and grab a bite to eat and see a movie"... yeah, wishful thinking. One thing is for certain, you learn who your real friends and family are when crisis strikes! I might as well put my orders in for my nursing home room with a view!

I did manage to hear some good news today. The "mole" I mentioned in my last post is a freckle and I should not be concerned! I guess that was my best laugh today... I arrived at work, the doc comes out and I say "well, I have something I want you to look at - a mole"  Doc: "where", Me: "my boob" Doc: "come in here and show me"... LOL! So what went from raising my shirt up and discreetly pulling my bra over far enough to expose the area to full sister exposure! I've been putting off getting my physical because it's just a little weird showing your boss your goods... Now, my physical is scheduled after today! Thats one thing I will say - when you are diagnosed with Cancer all dignity seems to fly out the door! If I find a suspicious area, I want it checked! Luckily I'm blessed to with a great group of people. I've even got the nurses being more vigilant on checking their skin and one has given up going to the tanning bed! I only wish I could have been exposed to someone with Melanoma earlier in my life so maybe I could have learned from their story.

Well, I came home to chaos... the boy's mood went from good to shitty in zero point two three seconds! I know he is frustrated being in the wheelchair, having a fiberglass cast up to his nut sack, being segregated from all his friends at school and only seeing my ugly mug, his daddy's mug and Buster's bushy mug - I guess I'd be a bitch too. I'm thinking I need to increase my Lexapro from taking it 2 weeks before auntflo to taking it daily! I literally feel like I'm crawling out of my skin here lately! Premenstrual Dysphoric Disorder (PMDD) more like Daily Life Dysphoric Disorder! I know me playing the waiting game has a lot to do with my short fuse... I hate the unknown and I'm so ready for Thursday to get here!

I keep telling myself things could be worse and I should be thankful for what has been thrown our way - it's just hard!

But hey, I could be this poor guy -





















or this poor lil kitty -
















Now, I think I will go enjoy a brisk walk and clear my mind.


XOXO, Melanoma Diva



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